help

I'm considering a blog transplant -- a new URL, a new theme, or perhaps, another one... Every day, I hear advice, wisdom, aphorisms, little pieces of advice that sometimes sound out of place or off-topic. Sometimes they come from startling sources. They may take a moment to settle, for the relevance to develop like a polaroid...but when they do, I want to collect them into a shining case, share them like shells gathered on a beach. So that would be the theme of my new blog. All of the overanalyzed thoughts and musings of my mind throughout the day. The coincidences, the reverie, the words shared that connect the dots. Today, I was crossing a bridge -- a very famous one -- with someone I respect and admire. The topic was accomplishment, and the dopamine rush that comes with achievement -- however small. For her, it can be as simple as making granola, and hearing how good it smells from anyone who passes through her kitchen. Or, it can be as triumphant and validating as a casting call with a major catalog -- regardless of the outcome, there is a sense of being chosen. We also talked about help. My aunt lives in Algeria. Her mother lives in Marin, California. Every week, my aunt sends her produce from Sonoma, in an artisan bucket, replete with charm and the novelty of having it delivered every Tuesday morning. This is where technology intersects the ancient imperative to care for one's parents, to pay them a visit, even if it's in food form -- delivered by someone you've never met. This is our world -- it seems impersonal and far too convenient to nurture something as primordial as mother-daughter relationship, or to render real care for the elderly. But the impact is exponential. Her mother -- my grandmother -- knows that her daughter sat with her two daughters across the ocean and "handpicked" everything that gets delivered each week. Purple fingerling potatoes, golden beets, quail... an ode to bygone luxuries. She said, "It's like I'm eating with her. It's such a gift, such a surprise, it warms my heart". But she has never told this to her daughter, my aunt. Why? Because she doesn't want a voluntary gift to become a burdensome chore, obligation. I wonder, though, who benefits most from charitable acts? Who receives the greatest soul satisfaction from giving, serving, volunteering? And it's not a new concept -- the Peace Corps volunteer returns with tales of having gained/learned more from the people "in need" than they themselves shared with the needy. The missionary who discovered that spirituality is amorphous, unassigned to a single sect or Sunday, after living with people in need of "saving". Who is the needy person, if the giver is ultimately the receiver? Is this what we base our concept of "work" on? Giving to receive, time for money, energy for security....What if work was modeled after giving -- where everyone wins, everyone benefits -- giving comes from an entirely different place -- a place of security, of abundance, of empathy. You have to have before you can give...whereas traditional work becomes a necessity out of lack. So we talked about helping people. The human inclination, NEED for a sense of accomplishment -- in many different forms -- but specifically, making another human feel good by giving, by sharing. Showing love. Showing support. Empathizing and taking action. Who benefits, and why is it so difficult to be the recipient? Why is it unclear or unacknowledged that in many cases, charity yields more than one beneficiary? And the need to accomplish is intense. Aside from giving-- a gateway to that dopamine rush of having done something "good" -- the need to get something done, overcome, build, create, use your hands, is tremendous. And work, as it has been defined for decades/centuries, is often not really work. It doesn't yield the same sense of accomplishment that blue collar work might. And now, even that seems insufficient. I think we need a new kind of work. One that gives everyone a chance to be the giver and the receiver. One that makes your hands feel like powerful tools, rather than appendages that obey the mechanized commands of the mind. Operating in a digitized world, we are still warm blooded humans. It is interesting to see where that river has flowed, and comforting to see that it hasn't dried up.